Welcome to my blog. I post on this, roughly once a week (it does vary). I sustained a 'Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury', and a six month coma from a 'road traffic accident' whilst cycling, in October 2006. I spent the following 4 years (22-26yrs old), in a combination of hospitals and rehabilitation homes. Now, I have been living independently in Surbiton, England since October 2010. This blog begun life in December 2010, as i realised that there are many people worldwide that i want to share experiences with. I know that, as a wheelchair user, I am obviously not as mobile as i wish, so, use the internet to connect to you. I enjoy letting my thoughts represent through type. I type honestly. As numerous readers, as well as email recipients, will understand, I find typing to be very therapeutic. Thank you :)
Please note that this website cannot be viewed 100% successfully everywhere. It is designed for optimum viewing on a screen of 1920 x 1080 pixels.

Friday, 16 March 2018

Handy Scorpion!

Handy scorpion!
Playing against Cagliari, a Ciro Immobile equaliser rescued a point for I Biancocelesti (SS Lazio), 5 mins into stoppage time!

The video seems to include a random clip of some dancing!!!! V strange!

I am so unused to ‘normality’. Yet again, I sip my gorgeous cappuccino, on a Saturday. ‘My cafe’ is over-run by ‘normal people’ (it is the weekend)! I feel alarmed, dumbfounded but slightly bemused. 
I am currently only working on a voluntary basis. I cannot step into the ‘9-5, money-grabbing world’. I value life and our world too much, for this (or, I tell myself this).
But I do hurt, that I am not aboard the lifeline train on which most others are. I am forever confused. I have battled so far, through bad, horrid places but because I was chucked off the train early on, I may never re-board. I continue moving along, following the train, but never aboard. It is hard-work!

I am pleasantly surprised however, by the popularity of this blog. Last year’s ridiculously high number of page views may never be matched. It shall be regarded as an anomaly, but I continue this year to attain a large readership of this blog, of at least 1500 views per month. These numbers tell me that you people actually do read my thoughts and opinions! I know that I do regularly talk about personal passions, coffee, music, cycling and football. These may bore you, I am sorry. I often offer a balance, discussing topics which effect everyone. I try to help us all!
I guess I’ll keep 

Ramble on

Monday gym … 
2.25km in 5 minutes … 250m short :( = 27kph …hmmm
I have been alarmed. Alerted that I seem to have found my maximum gear (16 out of 20). Any tougher, then my average cadence is too low (below 50rpm)!
Therefore I plan to increase duration, but maintain speed. I sprint no more.

I got my keyboard back!
I had feared the worst, but found out that my iPad case needed new batteries!  The integrated keyboard uses it’s own batteries, and is not powered by the tablet itself. I recognise that this keyboard may not be as ‘ecologically sustainable’ as a touchscreen device, but I use my physical disability as an excuse! This Logitech case is super tactile. 

This short post is supplemented with a link to an interview with the worlds best lead-guitarist. Still a key member of the band, he has progressed his individual career, writing award-winning scores for film-music.

Extra supplements...
Some photos that i wish were mine, but attained through Twitter...

Friday, 9 March 2018

il giglio

Le premier etape
 Screenshots from British Eurosport coverage

Close, too close to call initially.
My blog post this week opens with both of my screenshots from the opening stage of the Paris-Nice race. Four riders were close, of which two were very close, but only one winner! French national champion, Arnaud Demare.

‘Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chain stores.’
Pg 25
Plenty of quotes could have been used, from my current read, ‘How did we get into this mess?’ By George Monbiot
I love this book. I am less than a quarter of the way through, but I feel safe when instructing EVERYONE in Britain to read this. The title may be off-putting, but my argument is that Monbiot’s book is truly eye-opening.

Sometimes, something’s just have to be said. On my way home yesterday, I noticed four workmen carefully carrying a sheet of glass across the road. I watched eagerly 
‘Jeez, that must be a pane?’
Five words had to be directed to them. One worker came over, asking for me to repeat, as he hadn’t heard. I realised how rubbish my comment was, he seemed to be speaking Polish. I apologised and groaned, disappointed with myself. He didn't understand. I didn't explain!

Sir Bradley Wiggins may be under suspicion of ‘ethically cheating’. However, no rules have been broken. My love of pro-cycling allowed me to read thoroughly around this subject. Sir Bradley did not cross any lines. I have absolutely no problem with anyone stretching rules, if remaining within regulations. If anything, they should be applauded for researching the problem as far as possible, in my opinion. I pity those who challenge him, they are desperate. The more desperate they get, the weaker their argument.


‘The world of calcio is in shock today at the news that Fiorentina captain, Davide Astori was found dead in his hotel room this morning. Club Spokesman Arturo Mastrodani explained that Astori was found unresponsive in his bed by a member of the club’s staff whilst the rest of the squad were eating breakfast. 

The cause of the Italy international’s death is currently unknown, and under investigation at a hospital in Udine. 

In the hours since the club’s announcement a number of former domestic and international teammates haven taken to social media this morning to grieve the passing of not just a fellow professional but a friend. Amongst them are former Cagliari and Roma teammate Radja Nainggolan, and compatriots Giussepe Rossi and Gianluigi Buffon, all of whom expressed the utmost respect for the great man that Davide was.
Astori began his career with AC Milan, but left for Cagliari in search of playing time. He remained with i Rossoblu for six years before joining Roma on loan for the 2014-15 season, after which he moved to Fiorentina on loan with an obligation to buy. 

In his first year with the club Astori was a key part of la Viola’s defence, helping the club to secure fifth place in Serie A and qualification for the next season’s Europa League. During the 2016-17 season Astori was one of few consistent performers in an often uninspired Fiorentina team, and following the departure of Gonzalo Rodriguez, new coach Stefano Pioli named Astori club captain at the beginning of the 2017-18 season. The centre half had been integral to the team this season, featuring in all but one of la Viola’s competitive fixtures. 

Davide made 109 appearances for Fiorentina in all competitions and had recently signed a new contract with the club which would have kept him in Tuscany until 2022.

Our thoughts go out to those close to Davide, in particular to his partner and their children.
Riposa in pace, capitano.’

Davide Astori  (Born 7 January 1987. Died 4 March 2018)

il giglio
The ‘Fiorentina crest’ explained...
Fiorentina are known as the Gigliati (lilies) after the city crest, which features a lily (actually an iris named iris fiorentina). There is debate about why the lily is the symbol of the city; perhaps it’s after the Roman proconsul Fiorinus, who helped found the city in 59 BC during the celebrations of spring (florentia in Latin). Originally a white flower on a red background (hence the lily confusion), the colours were swapped in the late 13th century. After the Guelsphs expelled the Ghibellines from the city in 1289, the latter took the red lily with them. In response, the Guelphs changed the civic symbol to further distance their rivals from the city, and the imagery stuck.

Goal achieved. Gym bike success, attained for third week in a row! 
I have increased resistance gradually. I’ve already this year, beaten my PB of last year.

Every time I move up, increasing the resistance, I scare myself that I am over stretching myself! But we’ll see. My physiotherapist approves greatly.
I’ve got to keep the pedals turning!

Un ‘espresso in tre sorsi
My experience as a coffee lover has led me to be quite comfortable in drinking an espresso in just three sips. I am satisfied of my ability to cope with temperatures. If I have the time, I will take longer to enjoy the drink.

Late additions to my post, this week...
I am so strange. The enjoyment that i got when buying some bin-bags, this afternoon!

A new discovery of mine...
A podcast of some decent Deep House Music..

Friday, 2 March 2018

...to the sun!

I open this week’s post with a new music release of modern Composer, Nils Frahm. He has already appeared a number of times, on this blog. 
Nils Frahm - All Melody

BBC 6music reports of a legendary show of Nils Frahm, performed at London’s Barbican Centre, on this past weekend.

Approaching my ‘Monday Neuro-Gym’, I was nervous that I would test myself on the Gym-bike, and fail myself. Realising this possibility, I prepared an excuse...
Monday, snow excuse
It turns out that I not only achieved my goal but, i had done-so comfortably!
Happy! :)
2.57 g15
Tuesday, stress gave me enough power to start using g16!
Major F’n stress. Focussed into positive power!
I could be stuck in this gear for a while. It may take me a few weeks to train, and reach my target distance of 2.5km in 5minutes, using this tougher gear. 
Ah well, c’est la vie.

I hear news of multinational fast-food chain Starbucks are introducing an extra-small tariff on ’single-use cups’.
Related news (sort-of). Last weekend, my Bialetti espresso cup decided to jump.

Announced on Facebook…
Saturday - ‘Today it perished. Such a wonderful existence had to end at some point. Used across London, it threw itself from my bag, as I bumped down a curb, outside my flat. — feeling sad.’

Emergency replacement! 

I am not ‘the wheelchair’!
I was left flummoxed. Sitting on a busy bus, fellow passengers were alerted by the driver - ‘Could passengers please make room for the wheelchair?’. I should appreciate that he has done this. I should welcome the fact, however i felt like rubbish. I am a human, I am not ‘the wheelchair’. Was I regarded by everybody as an inanimate, mechanical contraption? Unfortunately I am a ‘wheelchair user’.

Some realise it is a requirement. Some abhorr cheats. 
Cheating in World Sport has consequences…

i believe that it is everyone’s social responsibility to express their views. Positive views and opinions must be expressed. We will recognise that there may be strong support/disapproval. A broader range of opinions and views, regarding  anything, should only be viewed as a positive.

My self-confidence is maintained, by just speaking the truth. I have nothing to hide because I feel that my ‘biggest flaw’ cannot be hidden, I need a wheelchair.
My confidence acts as a pleasant surprise to many people. I feed off their positive feedback, and continue on. Speak honestly. Be proud of your beliefs. Only you have your mind! Never be ashamed of your beliefs!

I have found, disturbingly, that my confidence often takes people by surprise, which they may not like. I then feel the negative effect.
I cannot be bothered to ramble on too much, and do not want tire you, so, just two short sentences... Girls, i have no more effort. I give up.

Sunday to Sunday… a race to the sun

My love of pro-cycling used to start each year with the Paris-Nice race. It used to be a key warm-up point for the seasons of Tour de France winners. Indurain, Landis, Contador, and Wiggins were the last double-victors. 
A penultimate day without the symbolic ‘Col d’Eze’, but inland climbs could prove very interesting.

I want to promote more music for you. I started this week's post with a piece, and i finish it as well. Recently discovered for myself, Marlon Williams proves genius in this video...
This was published in 2014

Friday, 23 February 2018

I search...

I fail. Notes for this blog are made throughout the week. I then compile them on Friday. I publish it almost straight away. Only then, do I review it. My own mistakes irritate me, so much. I spot mistakes, immediately after, too late!...
....‘Double negative’ mistake, amongst others, spotted last week!
Seemingly there is always atleast one new error in the English grammar used. I’m then embarrassed when I read through it, having already been published, and spot the errors! I correct them, but too late.

Acquired Brain Injury Rehabilitation. I have lived through much of this. Physiotherapy is essential for almost all patients. One aspect of life that is essential for all, but ignored at this stage, by everyone (patients included)... 
I have forever felt this, and been forced to accept complete reliance on fate. Any offer of help, and I would have laughed it away. I have never ever felt that I wanted any help, I accepted my reliance on ‘fate’. Maybe, I am still like this. I don’t want anyone to interfere, but no-one has an insurance policy and I do hurt when i think of the ‘impossible’.
I have been largely talking on this blog, existentially, of how things balance. 
Am i alone, foolishly dreaming of ‘fate’ and ‘a  balance’?

I will forever feel in debt to everyone. The help that I have received from so many people, is only sometimes necessary, but always appreciated. I feel an overwhelming response is needed, supporting our earth. I know my personal limit, but I know that human possibilities are limitless. Nothing is 100% impossible (anything is possible). 

I hurt, and feel upset, when I step back and look at myself. Unemployed, disabled, single man...
... Search for positives...
I work voluntarily for causes close to my heart. My Graphic Designs are very positively received.
My physiotherapy ability is always improving, traveling along a very long road. I do progress.
Fates all tell unique stories.
I am a lucky man.

New TUE 
I reached my target goal on my ‘motoMED GymBike’. I am happy to have succeeded immediately with a new ‘training schedule’ I ride every day of the week, rest on the weekend, then aim to attain success at the ‘Monday Gym Session’. I take it seriously (but I know that I not ‘competing’ against anyone)!
Therefore I want to admit that I very recently have been using a new, better leg splint (which holds my heel in ‘correct’ position). A TUE (Therapeutic-Use Exemption)?

For forever, or since early childhood, I have felt  a human obligation to create or design  something that is viewed by as broad a range of people, as possible.
It means so much to me that I can reach-out, and communicate worldwide, through this blog. Thank you.

Independent determination’ is a characteristic that I hold with pride. For a long, long time, since my childhood, it has been clear to me that you only ‘get out’, equivalent to what you ‘put in’. The more that one trains in a sport, the better that you can become. My life, since my accident has placed me in a seemingly endless list of situations, in which I can feel damaged. More importantly, I recognise improvements that I seem to regularly achieve. These are only because I can gauge my performance quality compared with the previous time that I attempted the task. If someone ‘helps me’, they are only helping ‘in the moment’, I am cheating myself! I don’t like it!!!

It alarms me, as I feel able to recognise how little other people know about themselves. A regular at various hospitals, i am very used to other physiotherapy patients. Doctors and therapists are trained to use the most simple communication with them. I know that I am very lucky, rare and unusual in being so aware of my own physical abilities. My life as an active cyclist, taught me so much, including how to understand my body. Recognition of how far one can push themselves physically, is key. One will realise that the answer is 99% a mentality issue.

Check The Meaning 

Friday, 16 February 2018

A = B

‘Welcome to my blog. I post on this, roughly once a week (it does vary). I sustained a 'Traumatic Acquired Brain Injury', and a six month coma from a 'road traffic accident' whilst cycling, in October 2006. I spent the following 4 years (22-26yrs old), in a combination of hospitals and rehabilitation homes. Now, I have been living independently in Surbiton, England since October 2010. This blog begun life in December 2010, as i realised that there are many people worldwide that i want to share experiences with. I know that, as a wheelchair user, I am obviously not as mobile as i wish, so, use the internet to connect to you. I enjoy letting my thoughts represent through type. I type honestly. As numerous readers, as well as email recipients, will understand, I find typing to be very therapeutic. Thank you :)
Please note that this website cannot be viewed 100% successfully everywhere. It is designed for optimum viewing on a screen of 1920 x 1080 pixels.’

It alarms me to find that, those who view my blog on a mobile phone, have probably never read my introductory text (situated below my logotype, on computer screen) when viewed on a mobile phone! Hence, copied above.

I will no longer discuss the football of ‘my teams’, on this blog. 
Anyway... Gym bike
2.47km in 5minutes
30 metres short - but I love pushing myself to the max, on a set of pedals! Afterwards, I just faced-facts. I knew that I had just sprinted, exerting as much as i physically could do. Content. Although, short of my ‘mental target for this springtime’, i am ‘on track’, and I am happy that I pushed myself to 100%. It is nowhere near a PB, but it is only February!

‘Mate, careful, look at the road!’
I sit at the bus-stop, after neurogym-time at the hospital. I look right, towards oncoming traffic, mentally pulling an imaginary bus towards me...
Then WOAH! Reality...! 
I am alarmed by a young lad who has been cycling manically on the pavement, but then just bounds off of the curb, down into the road. Tracksuit billowing, and still chewing gum, he is totally oblivious to other traffic already on the road. The cars remain polite, and don’t react to such foolish behaviour!..
He survives...
Such greedy, stupidity, offends me. People like him result give the general public a negative attitude towards all bike riders (including ‘proper cyclists’ too).
I shout the warning, calmly as I am trying to help!

I first heard the following musician, earlier this week. Only through subsequent investigation do i realise that he has been around for a few years, and his release (today’s ‘Make Way For Love’), is in fact the second album of Marlon Williams.
Honestly, I was unsure at first, but in sensing his quality, I held through the first 5 minutes. Quality was confirmed as i listened to more and more. The power and pure quality, of his vocals are unique. I cannot compare him closely to anybody else, his style seems too unique, for me. Two artists of similar vocal qualities, ‘Anthony and the Johnsons’, and ‘Jeff Buckley’.
I shock myself, as I realise that I have always held Jeff Buckley completely supreme, incomparable to anyone!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUSJjsVoDy4 (2016 duet with Aldous Harding)

I may seem very self-assured and confident, to many of you. Maybe I am. I know that I want to be, as do most people. I like to think that I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie. I love surprising people by having unexpected ability, but this is taken by me negatively, as well. How weak, injured and disabled do ‘new people’ view me? I find this problem to be crucifying, because I AM  disabled, and I cannot do a lot of things, yet I am still a living, breathing, independent human-being. I have feelings of pride, honour, and self-respect. I know that I may push the limits of these 3 essences, more than most. However, people must realise that I have to attempt to balance deficiencies that i now live with. I realise that I cannot do things which many people would not hesitate doing themselves. In equal contrast I maintain self-belief, by proving to myself that I have the ability to do other things which may seem very, very rare, or people will not do. 

-A + B = 0

A = B

Friday, 9 February 2018

Pushing Progress

One of the biggest rivalries in football, Arsenal v Tottenham is scheduled for a mid-day kick-off tomorrow. It is preceded by another huge clash of rival ‘tifosi’.

Tonight’s game…
A challenge...

As a Fiorentina fan, I fear the worst.
Shift focus, yesterday’s stage in the UCI Pro-Cycling season…

Go Cav!!
Forza Elia!!
Another favourite of mine, Sonny Colbrelli, was victor today! :)

Drugs are bad. But...
I leave the Caffè, head back home, wearing a huge smile. I am aware that I regularly wear a smile...
Constantly smiling because constantly highly-caffeinated!
... partly.
This probably is part of the reason. Well definitely, only a part!

Please sign the link below...

Printed and out...

The newsletters that i designed, have been created and can be partly sampled through the above link. Distribution within our ‘target wards’ in the local elections, has begun. Royal Borough of Kingston is split into 16 different electoral wards, for this Local Election. I plan to design a more generic leaflet later, covering the entire borough.

“there are truths, but no truth” 
Camus explains there can be a seemingly infinite number of truths, although there should never be one over-ruling truth which all accepts as supreme.

When I was first imprisoned, the hardest thing was that my thoughts were still those of a free man.” 
I know it will not seem popular, but I often feel ‘imprisoned’, as I am forced to rely on a wheelchair, in current life. I have no choice. Do I consider myself totally free?

The greatness of man lies in his decision to be stronger than his condition.” 
I am ever-so proud of my mentality’s strength. I have battled through initial rehabilitation, convincing myself that I am psychologically stronger than this problem.

The absurd happens / **** happens
We can be certain of nothing. A young man, who had a strong education in design, supported by A-levels in Mathematics, Physics , and D&T, my mind had learnt to accept rational processes. My love of cycling even followed these principles. However, I had aged enough to realise and learn that absurdities happen. I remember becoming aware that my ‘goals’ were all being completed. My girlfriend and I seemed too happy and content. I shared my fear of ‘balancing absurdities’, possibly hidden around a near corner. I had absolutely no idea what, or how anything could happen. Over 6 months later, I wake up explaining simply, that ‘**** happens!’

Obscene ***k, without a heart!

My shuffled iPod, played me this earlier in the week.
I was alone in my flat, eating dinner, allowing me to sing along to every word. I used to love playing guitar along to this, but now I felt the freedom to sing passionately, along with Jeff!
The song's introduction, using an organ melody is mesmerising for me. It signals to me that over 6 minutes of heavenly music, awaits me!
Such joy. Such serenity.
Thank you Jeff. 
‘Oh Lover, You Should’ve Come Over ’

Friday, 2 February 2018


Choosing to leave Arsenal, for Jose Mourinho’s Man Utd, is a poor mistake.
Maybe everyone at Man Utd ‘forgets’, just like Rio did!
I am a cyclist who recognises the largest problem facing every world sport. Cheating is not allowed. All sport-stars are responsible for themselves.

I have been a big fan of Courtney Barnett since releasing her first album,’The Double EP: A sea of split peas’ was released in 2013. Two years later, a strong ‘follow-up’ (‘Sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes i just sit’). Released in 2017, a magnificent duet, was her next step. The brilliant character of her bright, Australian voice rebounds vibrantly off of the steadier, male voice of Kurt Vile. I feel that the duet was a brilliant idea. 
Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile

Tuesday morning, I was very confused. I had no plans, and recognised that I had the day ‘free’. I was then unsure, as I should be used to this, but it seems a welcome change as i recognise how busy my ‘new-life’ is!
My Bialetti espresso cup ventured into Central London…
Although I am regularly using it in Surbiton, and Kingston, it’s use was welcomed by staff in ’The Fleet Street Press Office’ and Soho’s ‘Bar Italia’.

First stop, 'L'Uomino' in 'The Fleet Street Press Office'. Followed by a trip to Soho's 'Bar Italia'.

Warpaint (October 2016)

An interesting article. It is an unfortunate reality that athletes can ‘open-up’ regarding problems within their sport, but only after retiring! This may be obvious, but ‘the law of silence’ or ‘omerta’ cannot only exist within cycling. Athletes do not speak out, because such huge money exists in professional sports.
Allez Thomas!!!

Gym bike training 
My obsession with my ‘gym bike’ is welcomed by my Physiotherapist, but it has been decided to be unwise to hold myself to such a strict ‘training schedule’! I will maintain my annual targets, but not be too obsessed by my training levels. It is only this current winter period, have I been so strict, so far. I am scared of expecting too much of myself (in terms of Gym-bike). I want to push myself, but not to detriment any other part-of-my-life (my psychology, perhaps)!

A super, eye-opening interview with a legendary footballer.
My find has to be shared!

The final tune of this week’s post was only just discovered by me, yesterday. To my total surprise, I am not too late, as it was only released late last year.
There’s nothing better than a good, solid house tune, incorporating lyrics of such attitude!
Fake ID
Riton & Kah-Lo

I cannot expect to do ANYTHING. I achieve physical abilities which I had previously been unable to do. But only in reflection can I know my ability, which is severely reduced, compared to most 'regular people'. I can plan very little. I cannot look forward to anything in the way most others do. I cannot dream for things, as I don’t know what will be possible or impossible. You cannot dream for what is rationally impossible. 

“Awareness, no matter how confused it may be, develops from every act of rebellion: the sudden, dazzling
perception that there is something in man with which he can identify himself, even if only for a moment.
Up to now this identification was never really experienced. Before he rebelled, the slave accepted all the
demands made upon him. Very often he even took orders, without reacting against them, which were far
more conducive to insurrection than the one at which he balks. He accepted them patiently, though he
may have protested inwardly, but in that he remained silent he was more concerned with his own
immediate interests than as yet aware of his own rights. But with loss of patience—with impatience—a
reaction begins which can extend to everything that he previously accepted, and which is almost always
retroactive. The very moment the slave refuses to obey the humiliating orders of his master, he
simultaneously rejects the condition of slavery. The act of rebellion carries him far beyond the point he
had reached by simply refusing. He exceeds the bounds that he fixed for his antagonist, and now demands
to be treated as an equal. What was at first
the man's obstinate resistance now becomes the whole man, who is identified with and summed up in this
resistance. The part of himself that he wanted to be respected he proceeds to place above everything else
and proclaims it preferable to everything, even to life itself. It becomes for him the supreme good. Having
up to now been willing to compromise, the slave suddenly adopts ("because this is how it must be . . .")

an attitude of All or Nothing. With rebellion, awareness is born.” 

Albert Camus has written so much that i am very grateful for. A lot of his work may seem too deep, for many, but I urge readers to stick with him. You will move to sections that are easier to comprehend, yet still so rewarding.